Five weeks in, and we haven’t yet started to understand how to emotionally navigate all of this. Beginner’s mind (a Buddhist term for being completely open and unbiased) is of no use to us. Reruns of ER aren’t helping either.
So how do we feel? Gassy. Lots of lentils as of late.
Okay, really. We feel anxious, ecstatic, exhausted, overwhelmed, accepting, curious, uncertain, frightened, delighted, dependent, uptight, off balance, bemused, blessed, concerned, dying to make sense of all this, sick of trying to figure it out, and ready to get the heck home. With our daughter.
The way we handle all this is no different, really, from the way we negotiate our lives back in Boston. It’s just that now we’ve got reams of documents, a bureaucracy we don’t understand, a coordinator/translator from another culture, an adoption agency too many miles and a ten-hour-delay away from any problem we may encounter.
And beautiful Jem.
Right now, it seems all we can do is show up and wait for our court date, in 6 days, and hope that nothing gets in the way of everything we—and the people helping us—have been working towards. There is another 15 days after this, before we’re handed the actual adoption decree. So check in with us in three weeks for the tear-stained catharsis and the rest of the story.
Until then, we plan on visiting Jem every day, playing lots of cribbage, taking our nightly walks, watching emotionally exhausting DVDs (excellent for transferring some of our tension), reading, and eating loads of Steve’s “hand made” (as Dina says) Kazakh cooking. 100% Stevie J-style. And napping.
We’re also getting to know ourselves anew. Being isolated from the lives we’ve been cultivating for over 40 years shines a spotlight on each of our big, stinky, stupid ways of coping. We get to grow up a little bit. And, in spite of all our shortcomings, we’ve somehow been granted the great mystery of connecting with a little gem of a girl we hope to eventually call our daughter.
1 comment:
Strangers in a strange land, eh? What an ordeal and a revelation and a p.i.t.a. Incredible karma this little Gem must have to put you and her through all this. Interesting to watch the effort to bond with and embrace this little stranger who needs a family and a home. I and I'm sure many appreciate your open, vulnerable, sweet take on all of this. It's comforting to check in with your adventures every couple of days but it hardly does your current lives and your efforts to chronicle them justice to casually yet virtually drop in on you all. But it is a treat to visit with you here and there and enjoy such thoughtful and creative efforts to share it all. Much love to you all... Unkle Kali
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